If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
