I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
