I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
