i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
