so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
