You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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