hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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