He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
