she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
