I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
