You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
