Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
