Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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