We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
