and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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