I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
