Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
