I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
