am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
