This is not my ceiling
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
