This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
3pm strippers are depressing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
