Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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