drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
