apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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