I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im part way to drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
