He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
