I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
