Having a random hookup so left but love u
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
