You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
