My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
