Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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