Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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