You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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