My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
