Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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