i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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