He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
