is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have tasted many bathrooms
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
