I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
