you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
