her facebook's as public as her vagina
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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