Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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