i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
