is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
