just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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