there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
