So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
