it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
