He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
