Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
