I just threw up on my dentist
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
