no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
